♪ [rock]
[announcer] What are these people running from? They're not.
They're running to the world's toughest competition in town,
Most Extreme Elimination Challenge.
Tonight, brave adventurers
take on the dental industry.
It's the classic battle between people
with daring nerves and those who drill 'em.
So get fired up for MXC.
And now, here's a couple guys with perfect bites,
Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano!
Hello. We've got a great show today--
adventurers versus the dental industry. Why are you talking funny?
Oh, well, my face is still a little numb from the Novocain.
I had an abscess drained from my partial.
I remember when a dentist once slipped and injected my brain with Novocain.
It hasn't quite worn off yet, huh? Yeah, yeah.
Hey, I just got that. Hey, Vic, you know what I was thinking?
What's that, Ken? I think I'd like to be an adventurer--
do some cool stuff and run around and junk.
Oh, that'd be great-- explore uncharted lands, contribute to human knowledge.
Yeah, yeah, and have a tent full of chicks. More Novocain!
[chuckling] When I think of adventure,
I think of exploring the dark, dank nether regions
where no man has gone before.
Let the adventures begin.
We start with the deadly "Dash to Death,"
then the gripping "Hand Job,"
on to the pounding "Wall Bangers,"
and we finish up with the messy "Sinkers and Floaters."
I think the whitewater in my raft is rising. Skipper?
Question: How many of you think today's courageous adventurers
are much like the fearless pioneers of days gone by?
Show of hands, now. [all cheering]
Well, you're wrong! They're nothing but a band of suicidal loners
and drunk bungee jumpers who over-use the word "extreme""
Well, take these two. What say you, wanna-be explorers?
Actually, I'm drunk right now. [gags] Watch the boot. And you?
Careful. I'm a dentist, and stomach bile destroys enamel.
[gagging]
Moving on. You, adventure boy, what lights your fire?
Actually, I'm a blue flamer. Please elaborate.
Well, I hike down into active volcanoes. I force-flatulate.
The molten lava ignites the flame. It's pretty spectacular, especially at dawn.
Ooh-hoo-hoo! That sounds dangerous and extreme.
The idea of it's giving me a little bit of heartburn.
Let's go!
[Vic] And we move on to our fist elimination, the "Dash to Death."
The object of this challenge-- to get across the obstacle course of challenges
without getting dashed... to death.
First for dental is Frank Piko. No comment.
Yeah, just go.
He manufactures discount porcelain veneers from recycled urinals.
[Kenny] I bet he has a potty mouth. I bet you're right, Ken.
Let's see what he does here. A little bit of a tap on the brain-scrambler.
Moving there past the grinder.
Into the ejaculator, into those contraceptive sponges, Ken.
He's moving nicely. Takes a tap from the red dragon.
Regains his balance. Past Sporky.
On to the spinner. Avoiding the fluid, Ken.
[Kenny] Which is spit-basin drainage from the School of Dead Running Gums.
[Vic] Ah, one of my alma maters: the Port au Prince of Neckties and Periodontal Disease.
Oh, the nards of doom! He gets blue-balled there!
Past the last one. Gets a firm grip on the rope--
Oh, and he is swinging, and he cannot do it, Ken.
And next up, Anestha Kent. I've got a special place.
She's a compulsive cartographer. She has personally mapped
every inch of the entire Pacific Rim.
[Kenny] That's one high-paying rim job. Right you are, Ken.
Let's see how she does here. [Kenny] I think she hurt her knee.
[Vic] I think she might have stumbled. I think you might be right.
Coming up onto the grinder. Stepping nicely.
[Kenny] She's limping, Vic. You can hear the cartilage tearing, Ken,
as she's in the sponges.
Oh, and an angry dragon to the head!
Oh and she is in to the Haitian dental spittle.
That's got to hurt. Oh, Sporky taunting her.
What a shame, and that is our MXC Impact Replay.
[Kenny] Look at there. The angry dragon almost took her head completely off.
[Vic] Right you are, Ken. Yeah, I bet her knee doesn't hurt so much anymore.
Indeed. Next up, Dr. Fang Durbin. Pipe down!
He's an on-site dentist for the adult film industry.
You know, a young starlet with a chipped tooth could ruin 2 careers, Ken.
[Kenny] Yeah. Oh, I think he chipped his head.
[Vic] That's what I'm talking about, Ken. Let's see what he does here in the grinder.
Oh! And he is down into the fluid. What a shame.
Next up, Mickey C. Ramos. Yeah! I like the skinny ones!
She's a cave cleaner at the Queen La Queefa National Park.
[Kenny] Wow, she's a strong-looking chick. Indeed she is.
Look at her work her way through the-- Oh, man!
[Kenny] I think she hates men. I think you might be right.
And zygotes too, Ken. Yeah.
Past the brain-scrambler.
Look at her there. Through the grinder.
Agile for a big, mean lady. Don't you think, Ken?
[Kenny] Here comes the angry dragon, Vic. I think you might be right.
Look at that. She's used to dodging angry dragons, I bet.
Into the contraceptive sponges. Not intimidated by Sporky at all.
She just threw a sponge at him, Ken.
[Kenny] She's gonna wait for Sporky in the parking lot and kick his ass.
I think you might be right. He doesn't look afraid, but look at that zygote.
He is. [Kenny] God, that's like 50, 60 pounds of zygote right there.
[Vic] Indeed. Let's go to Guy. Yeah, so...
[farting sound] What was that?
Sorry, I just queefed. I guess I took on some water.
Next up, Debbie Baker. Open wide!
You mean your blouse? Oh, I mean, open less wide!
She's an instrument sterilizer. She enjoys hand-washing the dentist's tool.
[Kenny] I bet she keeps the tip of his tool so clean he could eat with it.
[Vic] Right you are. The zygotes rough her up there.
She manages to get past the brain-scrambler into the grinder.
On her way to the ejaculator. And-- Oh!
[Kenny] She over-ejaculated. Right you are, Ken.
And there she is, poised right in front of that angry dragon!
Oh!
And she is into the sludge. [Kenny] Ooh, I think her blouse might be opening.
Well, Sporky agrees. Next up, Pants DePeon. I'm golden!
He's the explorer who discovered the golden shower of youth.
[Kenny] It won't make you young again, but it's warm and soothing.
[Vic] Here's what he had to say. I like to start the day with a nice, warm shower.
Mm-hmm. From a buddy.
[Kenny] Wow, that's gross. Kenny, in some cultures, pee is considered a religion.
And there he is-- oh, into the brain-scrambler.
Into the grinder.
Hopping nicely into that ejaculator.
Through the sponges. [Kenny] Oh, bypasses the angry dragon.
[Vic] An unkind work to Sporky as he hits the spinner--
Oh, a sidesaddle crest sword.
Nicely done. Into the sponges again.
Up on the nards of doom-- Oh, he gets blue-balled there heavily, Ken.
Gets past. He's on to the ropy strand. This could be it!
And he does it!
[Kenny] I think he's lighter 'cause his bladder's always empty.
[Vic] So, thanks to the pressure-relieved Pants DePeon,
the explorers skirt the Dash of Death and now lead 1 to nothing
Kenny, if you're gonna be an explorer, you got to learn
the importance of self-examination after exposure to the wild.
Like going through your hair. You might be exposed to various disease-carrying animals,
like this... like this blood-sucking tick right here!
No! No, that's Jimmy, my pet chigger!
Jimmy! Jimmy, where are you?
[announcer] Coming up on MXC, get your sweaty palms ready.
It's time for "Hand Job."
MXC is back, with the tall-peakers
versus the numb cheekers.
Wow, another great one, Ken, and I understand that you've come up with something
that'll help the dental hygiene of our viewers.
Yeah, but I need an extension cord. Go get it.
Okay, I'm not a Teamster, but I'm happy to help.
Yeah, you know I hate brushing my teeth, so I drew up some plans on an empty pizza box.
Yeah, I call it the Oral Facializer.
It's too big, though. I got to build a bigger bathroom.
[Vic] And now it's time for everybody's favorite pastime, "Hand Job."
Dental's in blue, adventure's in white.
This challenge, teams will be tested on overall knowledge of dentistry and adventure.
Now here's Danny Glands.
Okay, the first question is...
Ready? Palm it, now.
Select the right answer and win the round for your team.
Oh, and there is David Dyer.
Gets the right answer, and that is number 2.
Ready? Palm it.
[Vic] Oh, dental starts out fast, but adventure gets the right answer,
which is 5, and that is Yori Melville,
scrimshaw artist well known for his whale-bone carvings.
[Kenny] Must be hard to get the whale to hold still. Right you are.
Here's what he had to say earlier. It must be my big smile,
but whales trust me with their bone. [chuckles]
Question 3: After sitting 6 hours for a root canal, how many hemorrhoids did you develop?
Ready? Palm it. [Vic] And the answer, of course, is 10.
And let's see what happens here. Oh, and that, of course, Jimmy Conda.
He's an unemployed dental assistant and part-time comic.
[Vic] Yeah, he keeps getting fired for making bad impressions.
Funny, Ken.
Jimmy wrote that for me. Right you are.
Ready? Palm it. [Vic] And of course everyone knows the answer is 4.
And there, thrill-seeker Mary Hanes, a high-altitude pup tent inspector.
Gets the right answer. She hit hard, Ken. Let's go down to Guy.
I was face-down, and they started palming my sternum.
Oh, would you like guy to rub it? Hey! No!
But if it is bruised, I should see it, don't you think?
But the sternum is a bone. It's not a muscle. Well, what is that, then?
Up here. Guy, stop. It's right here!
Oh, Guy!
[Kenny] Ah, that's a tough one.
How long do you usually take to spit or swallow, Vic?
[Vic] It all depends on what you've got in your mouth, Ken. I'm gonna guess 1.
I want to start spitting as soon as I walk in the dentist's office.
[Vic] Let's see if you're right. Look at the dental people, adventurers wandering around.
Oh, and they land on what conventional wisdom would tell you would be 12.
But the right answer is 11! [Kenny] Oh, and the adventurers take it!
[Vic] Wait a minute! There's shopping-mall dentist LaSalle Free
trying to kick the answer away, Ken!
[Kenny] I heard he cheated his way through dental school.
[Vic] And he's cheating his way through Palming It, and that is our MXC Impact Replay.
Gosh, you hate to see that, Ken. That's just some stinky finger play.
[Kenny] That's his last Hand Job. Right you are.
Last question!
Ready? Palm it. [Kenny] And the answer is 1 missionary with a cold sore.
Right you are. Oh, and with the right answer,
that's dental plaque engraver Curtis Bulman!
So there you have it. Palming It ends in a tie,
but the adventurers still in the lead 4 to 3.
Okay, I want to show you how my travel dental hygiene system works.
Well, it's all plugged in. Just give me the word, Ken. I'll be over here.
Okay, go. Oh! Stupid Teamsters.
Okay, first you get a nice fluoride mist to help fight cavities--
Ow! There's no cavities on my arm! Ow!
And then you go into the hair gel-mouthwash combination.
Oh, I don't think that's supposed to be in my eyes. Oh, it burns!
It burns! Here you go, Ken. I got the hair.
There you go. Yeah, and then it's supposed to brush your teeth, but...
I can't see! I think I'm blind! Does my hair still look cool?
[announcer] When MXC returns, put on your mouth guard.
It's time for "Wall Bangers." Got it, milk teeth?
MXC is back, as the competition continues
between the thrillers and the drillers.
Wow. There you go. So what do we got here, Ken?
Oh, it's my magic fingers portable base camp. Let's try it.
Looks pretty sturdy. You got books and...
Yeah, it folds up. You can put all your supplies in there.
Okay, I know. Go get the extension cord and plug it in.
Yeah, so there I was in the Himalayas with a Sherpa chick--
Hey, what the... Hey, Vic, turn it off! Turn it off!
Time for "Wall Bangers." The game's the same--
find the passable portal to freedom, or you belong to Skanky.
Get it on! And first up is Mike Cuban.
He's an Internet explorer who sailed across eBay.
[Kenny] On his way to map the Amazon.com basin.
And he's exploring our safety fluid, provided by the Fudge Shack.
[Vic] Ah, the Fudge Shack. Favorite among little-leaguers.
Not much of a run there.
But remember to come by the Fudge Shack and pick up your souvenir fudge bat.
Next up, Jenny Gratini. She's a repo girl
for Custom Credit Dentists.
[Vic] Yeah, Nana Blankenship was late on 1 payment once.
They took back her whole lower jaw.
[Vic] Right you are, and look at Jenny using her whole lower-body section,
those powerful flanks, to get through that first door.
[Kenny] How can she keep up this blistering pace?
[Vic] Ah, speed, agility, quickness--
all cornerstones of oral repossession, Ken.
She doesn't want to use her hands, Ken, 'cause that's how she makes her living.
Notice how she's protecting them. She's coming up on Skanky right now!
[Kenny] She's using her hands on Skanky. Right you are!
Skanky doesn't know what to make of that.
She gets past him. Coming up again. Skanky closes in! Oh!
[Kenny] Oh, I think she's hurt, Vic. I think you might be right, Ken.
Oh, wait a minute! She faked a head injury,
hipped her way through that next portal, and she is on the move again!
[Kenny] Look at the power in those thighs! Unbelievable!
Oh, she has a little trouble there!
[Kenny] And she uses her powerful repo wrists to break through.
[Vic] And that puts dental up 1 to nothing. Yee-haw!
Here's Masrek Hussein. He skippers party-boat cruises along the Euphrates.
[Kenny] Yeah, for 4 drachmas, you get all the lamb you can eat, a belly dance
and a free back-shave. Right you are. Oh, there's a close shave!
That's Skanky. Through his third portal, Ken!
[Kenny] Look at him go! Oh, and he hits hard!
Here's Bernard Batista. He makes rapper jewelry from extracted gold fillings.
[Kenny] 4 out of 5 rappers agree, it's the best bling-bling.
Right you are, Ken. Oh, and he blinged himself!
Oh, let's take another look on our reverse angle.
Oh! Doesn't look any softer that way either, Ken.
Let's go down to Guy. I go to retirement homes, mortuaries,
places where you find people not using their golden teeth.
I got to be honest with you.
After that last run, my muscles relaxed.
I sort of lost control of all my function.
Did I spray something on my back? Who's the loser? I wish it was my back.
Me.
Next up, Steve Irwin Johnson. He's an urban adventurer.
[Kenny] Yeah, he explores public housing at night
with a flashlight, a burlap bag and a dog whistle.
None braver, Ken, and look at him go.
Oh, I think he might have flashed some gang signs on Skanky there.
Oh, and Skanky's all up in his grill business. [Kenny] Huh?
Next up, dental record executive Sherry Gordy.
[Kenny] She discovered Britney Veneers and Christina Abcess-alera.
[Vic] Definitely a taste for talent, Ken. I prefer the Back Teeth Boys myself.
I'm old-school. Look at that! Through her second portal!
Oh, and right into the waiting arms of Skanky!
[Kenny] I think she's gonna make it, Vic!
Oh, and she's caught in a minty floss net.
What a way to go. Next up, Bob Dabalina.
He's a blue-ice climber. [Kenny] I hope he washed his crampons.
[Vic] He's gonna need to wash more than that, Ken, and oh!
And he impacts hard,
and that is our MXC Impact Replay.
And you can see here the swift and powerful Bob Dabalina.
Blue-ice climbing-- it's all about speed
and having virtually no sense of smell and hopefully no open wounds.
Especially when working in fudge. [Kenny] So on your next outing,
pack some fudge-- the Fudge Shack. Right you are.
[blows whistle] Let's go again!
Next up, former serial killer Roger Celiac.
He got his dentistry degree in prison.
[Kenny] Yeah, he could scrape your gums with a shiv. Right you are, Ken.
You can see him moving through the first portal.
All the way-- Oh! Uh-oh.
Seems to have had some trouble right there,
and you can see his parole officer and his sponsor.
There you go. There's a lot of doors.
Celiac seems confused, looking for some advice.
Trying yet another portal. Which one? There's so many of 'em.
Go to the left. Again getting more help.
I don't know if this is entirely legal, Ken.
Oh, and there he makes it through!
Coming up to Skanky right here. Oh!
Ken, he has put Skanky down!
[Kenny] He should be locked up! Right you are. Let's take another look.
[Kenny] He killed Skanky! Right you are, Ken.
Licensed dentist or not, prison reform is a lie.
So the dentists take "Wall Bangers" and we're all tied up, 4 to 4.
Great game. So, Ken, what do you got here?
It's my new invention. Uh-huh. Well, let me guess. I need to plug it in or...
No, no, no. It's battery-operated. Oh, great.
Yeah, they're all-terrain hiking boots. They're good on land and water.
They look comfy. Okay, I'm gonna walk to Hawaii.
Godspeed to you. Oh! Ow! Ow! I can't swim! I'm drowning!
Help me! I'm sorry. I'm not a Teamster.
But I can throw you an extension cord if you like.
[announcer] When MXC returns, we're on the fast track
with "Sinkers and Floaters."
Hey, where you going, tongue-scraper?
MXC is back for the final battle
between the adventurers versus the denturers.
Great competition, Ken. Yeah, sure is.
So, what is this I have in my hand here? What am I holding?
That's a hammer. It's part of my new invention.
Great. You set off a personal distress signal with it.
You whack it, and... It's for backpackers. I see.
So what's this thing over here? Oh, yeah.
This is the "portable" part. You carry this with you in your fanny pack.
You need me to plug it in? No, no. You just whack it.
And then it goes off and sets off a signal-- [groaning]
I'll get a Teamster.
Time for "Sinkers and Floaters"" where contestants must skip across the slippery stones
without swallowing a mouthful of septic sludge.
[blows whistle] Get it on!
First up, Howard Sterno. Baba Booey!
He's a controversial campfire-story teller.
[Kenny] Yeah, he told me the one about the lesbian with the hook. Right you are, Ken.
Oh! Looks like he could use a hook to get himself out of that.
Next is Betty Lopez. She's an under-achieving over-biter.
[Kenny] Oh, man! She sure under-achieved there. Right you are, Ken.
Next up, Dave Shackleton. He's a range-roving rhino wrangler from Rwanda.
[Kenny] Oh! and now he's sucking septic sludge on our slimy shore.
Great alliteration, Ken. Huh?
And here's Conan Doyle, an evangelical dentist
who invented the "turn the other cheek" retractor.
[Kenny] Look at that. He's on both cheeks.
Next up, Osroc Baba Ganouj, owner of the adventure apparel shop Turban Outfitters.
[Kenny] They make down-filled burkas and Gore-Tex prayer mats. Right you are, Ken.
Oh! And he is down and down hard.
Looks like he might have gotten lost. Let's take another look on the replay, Ken.
[Kenny] No, he knew where he was going. He's falling east, toward Mecca.
[Vic] Right you are, Ken. Let's go down to Guy.
Yes, I'm having a sample sale right here in the trunk of my car.
For you today, my friend Guy,
I give you good deal.
25% off everything, for you.
But you must buy now, or you get nothing. Oh.
Next up, Mitzi Klein. She's an anal-retentive dental receptionist.
Look at her go, Ken.
I understand she's compulsive about filling every hole in her schedule. Oh!
[Kenny] She's got a new opening to fill right now.
Right you are, Ken. Next up, Edward Peary.
He's editor of Outdoor Outing Journal,
the magazine for the fastidious adventurer.
Oh! And that's our MXC Impact Replay.
[Kenny] And look at this, Vic. He goes down rock hard.
[Vic] Right you are, Ken. It's hard to tell from here, but I'll take your word for it.
[Kenny] his clothes still look good, though. Indeed.
Here's Charles Abbey. He's a dentist for the British Royal Family.
[Kenny] The British have bad teeth because all they eat is shepherd's pie.
[Vic] And it looks like he makes championship Sinkers and Floaters runs too, Ken!
Let's take another look at that. [Kenny] He's got kind of a weird technique.
[Vic] Actually, Ken, that's not technique.
Charlie was born with a lazy foot,
which makes him all the more impressive 'cause most lazy-footers
don't make it past their teens.
Next up, Louise Westheimer. She's a self-exploring adventuress. Oh!
[Kenny] I bet she's good at finding her own G.P.S. spot.
[Vic] I think she might have landed on it, Ken. Let's take another look.
[Kenny] She went for a Cancun, and she ended up chipping her Yucatan peninsula.
[Vic] Right you are, Ken, and with the crowning achievement
of royal crown-maker Charles Abbey, the dental team wins it 5 to 4.
Kenny, I've seen a lot of competitions, and I keep forgetting
how intense these battles can be. Yeah.
I mean, those dentists were out there,
the explorers clearly favored.
The lead changed hands, but the dentists extracted--
Yeah, yeah. School's over. Of course it is.
Can I do my thing now? Why not? Let's go.
It's time for...
At number 10, it's serial killer Roger Celiac,
who adds Skanky to his list of victims.
Rest in pieces, Skanky.
And at number 9, this hand is gonna have a rosy palm
for hitting the ground that hard.
And at number 8, apparel maker Osroc Baba Ganouj,
who winds up eating the zipper on his Gore-Tex pants.
And checking in at number 7, it's Bob Dabolina.
Listen. You can hear his frontal lobes saying hi to the back of his skull!
And at number 6, porn dentist Fang Durbin
goes down faster than one of his patients.
Oh, ouch!
And at number 5, it's me,
where I had a toothbrush with death.
Man, I'm cool.
And at number 4, Vicky Sue Ramos
puts a zygote into some nasty, stinky place.
They always end up there.
And at number 3, dental rapper Bernard Batista
just went insane and felt some pain when he crushed his brain.
And at number 2, Anestha Kent
takes an engorged ball to her face
and ends up all wet.
And my most painful elimination of the day goes to...
Edward Peary from Outdoor Outings.
Here he loses all his teeth on this crushing blow,
but he'll be popular at the office on Monday.
Man, that was awesome. Indeed, and you know what it makes me hungry for?
The Fudge Shack? That's right. So what do you say
we all hit the Fudge Shack-- it's on me-- but first,
what do we always say? Uh, we say this:
[all] Don't get eliminated!
[all chattering] I got shotgun. You're driving.
Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA